Thought of the day....

Last night I found myself in M&S in search of food (it is Christmas therefore I am allowed luxury ready meals)....however as I walked through the clothing to get to the foodhall I found myself loving quite a few items.

Now the question is that do I like M&S clothing because I have turned thirty and magically after that age M&S clothes start to become more attractive OR is it because M&S have started doing nice clothes.

Answers on a postcard please xx

Big Apologies....

You all have the right to hate me a little bit at the moment as I know I have not posted for a long time....ok....a very long time.

There is a reason behind it all though.

A few months ago the boy and I had a grown up sit down conversation about our future and we decided that I really needed a job that was more grown up. Not because I had become more grown up in anyway (as an example I literally drank til I was sick a few weeks ago after seeing naked me on stage and then doing impromptu karaoke in a posh piano bar) but because I am getting towards the age where I want a year off work to have a rest and the only way I get to do that is to have a baby.

So I scoured the job sites looking for a company that really looks after it's employees and after three months I found one.

I will not give its name as I am sure I will need to vent/gossip/slag it off at some point but I will say that compared to my fun social media jobs this one is VERY corporate.

I even have to wear office clothing and I will tell you now that finding a pencil skirt for a small waist but big thighs is not easy!!

In my office I look after an important man.....in my interview I told him that I would look after him in every way possible...which....looking back now makes me sound like I will be dishing out sexual favours to him when stressed....to clarify I will not be doing this.

I am the youngest assistant there by about thirty years and the least educated/posh by about a thousand miles.

So here I am....for a while anyway the Essex girl in the posh company wearing pencil skirts that don't fit and low cut tops (I had to keep some part of me alive in the corporate world).

Maybe the need for that year off will come sooner rather than later!!

Jeans, Cheesecake and Spending money I don't have....

This weekend I steered away from my usual getting pissed, ending up in a club I am too old for, eating a kebab and then spending the following day laying/weeping on the sofa begging the boy to get me food/drugs/water etc.

Instead I decided to have a grown up weekend of buying things for the house, some new jeans and cooking.

For our new home we desperately need the following things....fridge-freezer, new shower, chest of drawers, new hob and a hoover. After a days shopping we came back with eight new wine glasses, a mini blender, mini heart shape cake tins, new bedding, new towels (white....I am unsure this was a good idea), a lantern, a picture frame, some new knives and forks and some fake flowers.....oh and about a hundred scented candles. It seems that I am now one of these women who walks into a 'homey' shop and is compelled to spend money they don't have.

Due to the spending above we will now be spending a long time in the shower as the water comes out so slow that it takes forever to actually wash, we will be eating foods that do not require being stored somewhere cold and we wont be cooking anything on the hob. Also our flat whilst looking pretty will actually be disgusting with dirt as we have no hoover.

DO NOT LET ME GO INTO THESE SHOPS AGAIN...!!!

This weekend also saw me venture into women's most feared territory....buying jeans.

Now I had a pair of jeans that I loved....they were five years old and very worn but I loved them. Sadly they didn't love me so much as around three weeks ago as I was running up the stairs for work they finally spilt. IT WAS MORTIFYING!!! They had been threatening to split for a while but I had starved it off with sewing them up each time a tiny hole occurred. After the split I was inconsolable....sobbing to the boy....'I will never find jeans I like again....EVER....'.

It took me a few weeks to get over it but this weekend I decided it was time to find some new jeans. I had heard that Levi's were doing a great new range of curve jeans for people with big legs and butts like myself. When you get into the shop they measure you (not as bad as it sounds) and then hand you your jeans. I was delighted to find that I am still a size 10 in jeans (takes some effort to get them on though) but not so delighted to find that almost all jeans seem to have stretch in them. As my best pal Alice says...'Where is the denim that cowboys wear...I bet that has no stretch in it'. The jeans looked ok and for me that was enough as I never look good in jeans...so I paid and off I went. Sadly these jeans are NOT OK!! Within a day of wearing they are so stretched that I can take them of without undoing them. I need jeans that are study and hold me in not a pair that stretch and let my curves run about freely jiggling in the wind.

So sadly my search continues...if anyone knows of any non stretch jeans please let me know....I will happily pay for your knowledge...!!

And finally....if you are trying to make from scratch a delicious and naughty desert DO NOT try and make it low fat....it will not work. My cheesecake (using my new heart shaped tins) was just a mess on a plate....I had waxed lyrical all day about how amazing a housewife I was only to hand the boy a heap of crap on a plate...he tried his best but I could tell he was wondering how I would manage with kids when I couldn't even get a small cheesecake right...I wonder the same thing too!!

The Big Move....

Those of you who read this on a regular basis will know that for the past 18 months the boy and I have been living in Shoreditch and I loved it....!!

Seriously...I mean I actually loved it....living in London to me is the same as a really great relationship where you like the same things, like going to the same places and the great sex never goes away.

Sadly due to the fact that I am nearing the end of my twenties and have a big fat wedding to save up for the boy and I decided to return back to our home town of Leigh-on-sea....a fishing town close to Southend-on-sea (for those of you who haven't been think overweight men with their tops off walking around drinking cans of special brew calling everyone pricks....it is beautiful!!).

Back when I was young Leigh was where the alternative crowd hung out....there were no fake tans, designer bags or small dogs to be seen. So you can imagine my shock on Saturday when after unpacking the boy and I took a stroll around our new home to find that it has been turned into The Only Way is Essex. In fact they have bought a local bar/hotel there and now half the series will be filmed in my home town and half in Brentwood....or wherever it is currently filmed (as you can imagine this information did not go down well).

I will be honest....I had a slight emotional breakdown starting off with me insisting nothing was wrong and culminating in me laying on the floor crying shouting 'I want to move back to London NOW'.

Lucking the boy knows me very well so after a bottle of white wine and about seven chain smoked cigarettes (which I actually gave up around two weeks ago) I became slightly calmer.

I think the shock of it all is that in Essex there is a lot of attitude and people are very hung up on their looks which is the total opposite of me as I walk around in my own little bubble and often look like I am off to a fancy dress party.

The walk to the station in the morning is now a fashion show where girls will look at you strangely if you do not have the regulation pencil skirt, high heels, amazingly perfect hair and make-up and BIG designer handbag.

I am now unsure if I should try and fit in and wear the 'Essex Work Uniform' to work and then change into my normal outfit or just stay as I am and endure the looks from the Essex WAGS.

I will tell you one thing though...there is going to be a lot of white wine drunk in order to get through this!!

And I am back....

Firstly I would like to say a big thank you for those who have stayed following throughout the month long silence.

To be honest I hadn't really intended to be away for so long but in the past month I have done the following....

• Ate food and drank a ridiculous amount at an AMAZING 30th birthday party for my best friend
• Started wearing high heels again (harder than it seems)
• Been out almost every night in order to say goodbye to London
• Moved back to Essex (an emotional story to tell)
• Attended a fabulously decadent wedding with an Indian twist
• Started exercising like an animal (this has now calmed down)
• Experienced the joys of Silent Disco
• ....and finally attended one of my oldest friends festival themed wedding...

So as you can imagine fitting in work and hangovers around all of this has not given me much time to write.

I will be giving a full update of all of these adventures over the next couple of weeks but just wanted to say hi xx

• 
  

This weekend....

...I did a ridiculous amount of going out....!!

Highlight was a tribute night dedicated to Stevie Wonder in which the boy and I were sat at a shared table for dinner. All was going well until the other couple came and sat opposite us a bit later in the evening. They seemed innocent enough...an older couple out on a date...however within five minutes of them sitting down they were eating eachothers faces off....once that stopped the groping started...now neither the boy or I are prudes in any way but the show that was put on for us by this couple was horrific. One by one the other diners started to take note of the couple and our horrified faces and soon enough Stevie Wonder was forgotton and we became part of the main act.

I order to get through this ordeal we drank four bottles of wine, plus vodka and then decided to have a dance off with a number of women we had met throughout the night. The dance off ended with me accusing the boy of flirting with all the forty plus women we were dancing with (please remember I had drunk around two bottles of wine at least so my judgement was somewhat impaired).

I woke up in the morning feeling delicate but happy that I hadn't gone completely over the top and also hadn't had a dirty kebab on the way home. Sadly I was then informed that after we had left the bar I had stumbled into McDonalds demanded a quarter pounder and chicken nuggets (as clearly I felt a burger was not enough) and then passed out in a taxi....beautiful!!

It just goes to show that two bottles of wine, two vodkas and a cocktail will in fact make you slightly crazy.

Oh....and I also bought this coat in a hungover daze.....

Zara - £129

Today I am feeling....

....HUNGOVER.

Last night the boy and I met up with some wonderful friends and had dinner at Necco (Japanese by Exmouth Market)...which was amazing and then I decided to drink almost two bottles of red wine and chat absolute rubbish to anyone that would listen.

What this has taught me though is that I need a wardrobe of work clothes at the ready to throw on to my poor alcohol ridden body instead of searching through the wardrobe...deciding I have nothing to wear, having a small weep, then chucking on yesterdays work clothes praying that no one notices (I work with boys so I doubt anyone will).

When I worked back in the big bad world of banking it was so much easier as I had four boring skirts and a shed load of boring tops (I wasn't one of these glamorous city girls with their short tight outfits and dreams of shagging the boss) which was fine as every day I knew what to wear.

However for the past five years I have been able to wear what I want which has led to some very inappropriate outfits (see through top whilst filling in for CEO's PA), some crazy outfits (silver shiny dress and white cowboy boots) and some hungover outfits (very baggy jeans, a t-shirt and a hat....which I wore all day).

When there is no dress code what to wear to work becomes a ridiculous waste of time in the mornings....and yes I know that if I spent five minutes the night before sorting out an outfit it would be much easier...but clearly I like to spend my evenings drunk.

So it seems the only option is to save up and get a wardrobe of work clothes so that when I do wake up in the morning stinking of gin and trying not to vomit I wont have the added pain of choosing clothes..!!

Looking Good and Doing Good...

In the age of recycling, fair trade and basically being as nice as possible to other people and the environment it is hard sometimes to buy clothes without feeling a tiny bit guilty.

For example I know that if I buy a five pound top from Primark it hasn't probably come from a very nice place. When I was young...to be honest...it didn't bother me so much but with age comes responsibility and it is nice to know that you can look good and do good at the same time.

My first tip on this are fair trade companies....Fashion Conscience stock some GORGEOUS bits and pieces....my favourites are....

LALESSO - £60

People Tree - £30.80

NOMAD - £54.60

If you are looking for some gorgeous jewellery then the Laura Bailey range for MADE is delish....

MADE - £60

....if someone would like to buy me that necklace then please...feel free....!!

The fairtrade list is extensive and totally fabulous.

Tip two...clothes swapping...as you know I am a huge fan of this and I have got some amazing bits and pieces just by going along to one of these events with my old clothes. Swish Pout do fab events around London and are definitely worth a visit.

And last but by no means least....vintage. Although it can be expensive at times if you find a good vintage shop with great prices hang on to it for dear life as the more friendly you are with the owner the better discounts you will get (trust me). Wearing vintage also means that as well as doing your bit for recycling you can also be sure that no one else will be wearing what you are wearing....brilliant...!!

Hummingbird Vintage £30

Hummingbird Vintage £30



Hummingbird Vintage £30


So there you have it.....shopping with less guilt....all I have to do now is find new ways of hiding the purchases from the boy...!!

Friday Loves....

Today I am feeling a bit delicate...!!

Last night the boy and I tried our hand at wine tasting....we had so much fun that we then decided to take our new found knowledge for a spin and drank a ridiculous amount of wine and topped it all off with a curry.....disgusting yet lots of fun.

So this morning I need some pretty things to take the edge off the pain.....

ASOS £28

MANGO £114

Not on the Highstreet £45

Not on the Highstreet £15

River Island £25

...all I need now is money to actually buy some of this...now that would really make me feel better!!!

Fat Bastards....

From the title you would be forgiven for thinking that this post is about people who are both fat and not very nice...however it is not.

Instead it is about not very nice people who make you feel fat.

An example of this was when I went to see the nurse the other day...I stepped on the scales and the conversation went like this..

HER - 'Ooohhhh....I see you are almost hitting 23 on your BMI scale'
ME - 'Yes...I know I am getting a bit fat (obviously expecting her to exclaim 'No your not...your practically a super model' like any normal woman would do'
HER - 'Yes you are...and you are short so if you carrying on getting fatter you wont be able to carry it off'

She then told me a lovely story about how she told her colleague she was fat and is now on probation....she really was a charming woman.

Now had this woman been like Cindy Crawford I would understand but she was the size of Vanessa Feltz (pre op).

Cheeky Wench...!!

Now I am not saying I advocate obesity or even being over weight but I am totally against Fat Bastards...however that doesn't stop me wanting to loose 40lbs before I see the evil nurse again just so I can give her the two fingers when I step on the scales.....!!

I LOVE LADYLIKE...

Although it seems we have had literally no summer at all the Autumn trends are starting to come out and I love them.

Usually I dread the new trends as they always seems to consist of tiny skirts, skinny jeans and tops that are so cropped that sitting down would not be an option.

This season however the Gods of fashion have listened to my prayers and decided to bring out a ladylike...almost vintage look for us to enjoy...HURRAH.

My favourite pleated skirt is back and this time in a shed load of fab colours. I love a pleated skirt with a gorgeous blouse or tight jumper....they look great with pumps and in the winter some black tights and colourful peep toe shoes go down a treat...

Oasis - £64



New Look - £24 (apologies for the bad picture)



Fashion Union - £34

ASOS - £35

Another firm favourite is the 'fit and flare' dress....hugs your waist and hides your hips....amazing....

Most shops are doing them but I have actually tried this one on and it looks gorgeous and makes me look a good size smaller....

Oasis - £60

...it would look good with a fine knit jumper underneath for work or with high heels and statement jewellery for a night out....I bloody love it.

And finally...with the cold weather threatening to creep in I have decided to give up my beloved, well worn Primark pumps and invest in some French Sole amazingness....

Yum...

...Yum

....YUM!!!

However at over £100 a pop you have to make sure that whatever you buy goes with everything...unless of course you take my view on things and are prepared to give up eating for a couple of months in order to get a couple of pairs....!!!

Frienemies....

At the grand old age of almost thirty I am lucky enough to have collected some fabulous friends....some I have had for years and some are new to the scene.

However I have recently experienced something that apparently all women experience once they hit a certain age...I no longer like some of my friends.

Back in Junior School this wouldn't have been a problem as I would have just told these girls they were no longer in my group and that would be that but as we get older the thought of hurting someone elses feelings becomes unbearable (unless of course you are mean and like hurting people) so instead of cutting out people that no longer make you feel good you carry on being 'friends' with them allowing their behaviour to get you down and make you feel bad.

So...with my 'Life is too Short' mantra that was developed due to last years events I have decided that although I wont cut out these friends (as it would be awkward and I am a wimp) I will make an effort not to care what they think.

I will be like the Sex and the City girls with my firm friends in the inner circle and the rest can just drift around.

In other news you should never spend two days in a row looking for shoes to match a dress you haven't even tried on.....!!

If you are curvy and are not well endowed in the chest area DO NOT buy this dress....It will make you look ugly.....!!

The shoes are amazing though....but I now need an outfit to wear with them....shame!!

I LOVE ODD SHOES.....

As some of you may have read  before I am not a high heel girl....they make me fall over and walk like Whoopi Goldberg...not a good look (sorry Whoopi).

However....it is my engagement BBQ this weekend and as I have been sick and sad I decided to go all out for the party with a new dress and shoes....(these were bought whilst sick so I cannot be blamed for spending money I don't have).

Sadly I got an email today saying that my gorgeous shoes may not arrive in time so instead of sitting here moaning I did what any normal woman with no money would do....go on the hunt for more new shoes.

Whilst I was looking I found this AMAZING brand....Irregualr Choice. Now when I was a little bit younger I had a fondness of dressing up much like I was off to a fancy dress party everyday and during this fun period of fashion I loved this brand. Sadly, due to my more vintage way of dressing I had all but forgotten these little beauties so I was very happy to stumble across them again today.

You can buy these gorgeous creations online or at Schuh...and here are my faves....

£55

£65

£80

£75

£65

And I'm Back....

Firstly let me start by apologising for the lack of posts over the past week but there is a good reason....!!
For the past three weeks to a month I have been feeling very down and dare I say it depressed....work wasn't interesting me, I was crying all the time (very odd for me) and even shopping did nothing to lift my spirits.

I assumed it was something to do with Mother Hummingbird finishing her cancer treatment and me having nothing to be positive for (during the treatment I was Miss Positive) or the fact I had just changed jobs and was missing the random yet very fun crew back at my old job.

Then last weekend I started to feel sick....not just a little bit but full blown pain so bad that it makes you weep a little bit. I was meant to be out with my soon to be in-laws for one of our lunches/drinking sessions but when I couldn't even force down a glass of champagne I knew it was bad.

After an evening of no sleep the boy rang around some emergency doctors (as I don't have one up here) and made me an appointment.

I managed to drag myself (literally folks) to the doctors for him to tell me that all my internal organs were basically broken in some way and may have been for a while. He then prescribed me three sets of extremely strong antibiotics and sent me on my way with instructions to rest...so I did...no blogging, twitter and hardly any work.

A week later and I am almost back to normal....I have no pain and my emotions are settled....although last week was so bad that I thought the wedding would be off..!!

So the moral of the story is....if you are feeling sad for a long time go to the doctors as I am sure he has pills to help you no matter what is wrong.

And here is what I bought over the past month to either cheer myself up or ease the boredom of being sick (please note that a some of this has now been returned as I felt too guilty).

ASOS

ASOS

Dune

M&S

Monsoon

M&S

Mango

Monsoon

Todays Love/Hate List....

Today I am loving....

The weather...perfect excuse to get on a  summer maxi, big sunnies and ridiculously huge earrings.....!!

The new Monsoon Fusion range...especially.....

Monsoon Fusion - £38

Monsoon Fusion - £42

The Body Shops new Honey Bronze oil...gives you a fabulous shimmer whilst not being too over powering...

Body Shop - £16

And finally I am loving online deals....a three course meal for two plus fizz....errrmmmm....YES PLEASE!!

Today I am hating....

The weather....are you sunny, are you rainy, are you humid, are you cold....PLEASE MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!

Burnt skin....I have been back from holiday for three day and am still so red that the boss laughs everytime he looks at me.

And.....healthy eating....this time last week I was eating fried food with no guilts....now I am eating vegetables and pretending to like it....rubbish!!

Back from the Land of Beautiful People...

So I am back from Ibiza....slightly bruised and worse for wear but generally in good shape and here is what I learnt from my experience....

1. Although Ibiza is the land of the achingly hip and trendy....vintage still rocks. I wore this outfit on the 'Showgirls and Sequins' night. Yes it was hot (thank you 1970's polyester) but I got tons of compliments and stood out...maybe a bit too much!!

2. We all try and loose that magical half a stone before holiday but once you are there it doesn't really matter if you have lost it or not....and it will not stop you having a fry up for breakfast followed by steak for dinner....with chips....and bread...with garlic mayo...all washed down with a litre of sangria.

3. Even though I haven't really exercised in...well....ever I was still able to dance for around six hours a night non-stop....sturdy legs I salute you!!

4. You are able to make fabulous new friends in a short space of time but also it doesn't actually matter if not everyone likes you.

5. And finally....no matter how brown you think you are if you sit on the last day in the sun with no protection on you will burn....FACT!!

Today I am loving....

This totally amazing lingerie set....

ASOS

This totally amazing book....

Sausages in general......

And last but by no means least the man from Eat by my work who gives me free coffee and cakes everyday because I talk to him abotu fishing....what a star!!