Friday, 16 December 2011

Thought of the day....

Last night I found myself in M&S in search of food (it is Christmas therefore I am allowed luxury ready meals)....however as I walked through the clothing to get to the foodhall I found myself loving quite a few items.

Now the question is that do I like M&S clothing because I have turned thirty and magically after that age M&S clothes start to become more attractive OR is it because M&S have started doing nice clothes.

Answers on a postcard please xx

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

Big Apologies....

You all have the right to hate me a little bit at the moment as I know I have not posted for a long time....ok....a very long time.

There is a reason behind it all though.

A few months ago the boy and I had a grown up sit down conversation about our future and we decided that I really needed a job that was more grown up. Not because I had become more grown up in anyway (as an example I literally drank til I was sick a few weeks ago after seeing naked me on stage and then doing impromptu karaoke in a posh piano bar) but because I am getting towards the age where I want a year off work to have a rest and the only way I get to do that is to have a baby.

So I scoured the job sites looking for a company that really looks after it's employees and after three months I found one.

I will not give its name as I am sure I will need to vent/gossip/slag it off at some point but I will say that compared to my fun social media jobs this one is VERY corporate.

I even have to wear office clothing and I will tell you now that finding a pencil skirt for a small waist but big thighs is not easy!!

In my office I look after an important my interview I told him that I would look after him in every way possible...which....looking back now makes me sound like I will be dishing out sexual favours to him when clarify I will not be doing this.

I am the youngest assistant there by about thirty years and the least educated/posh by about a thousand miles.

So here I am....for a while anyway the Essex girl in the posh company wearing pencil skirts that don't fit and low cut tops (I had to keep some part of me alive in the corporate world).

Maybe the need for that year off will come sooner rather than later!!

Monday, 10 October 2011

Jeans, Cheesecake and Spending money I don't have....

This weekend I steered away from my usual getting pissed, ending up in a club I am too old for, eating a kebab and then spending the following day laying/weeping on the sofa begging the boy to get me food/drugs/water etc.

Instead I decided to have a grown up weekend of buying things for the house, some new jeans and cooking.

For our new home we desperately need the following things....fridge-freezer, new shower, chest of drawers, new hob and a hoover. After a days shopping we came back with eight new wine glasses, a mini blender, mini heart shape cake tins, new bedding, new towels (white....I am unsure this was a good idea), a lantern, a picture frame, some new knives and forks and some fake flowers.....oh and about a hundred scented candles. It seems that I am now one of these women who walks into a 'homey' shop and is compelled to spend money they don't have.

Due to the spending above we will now be spending a long time in the shower as the water comes out so slow that it takes forever to actually wash, we will be eating foods that do not require being stored somewhere cold and we wont be cooking anything on the hob. Also our flat whilst looking pretty will actually be disgusting with dirt as we have no hoover.


This weekend also saw me venture into women's most feared territory....buying jeans.

Now I had a pair of jeans that I loved....they were five years old and very worn but I loved them. Sadly they didn't love me so much as around three weeks ago as I was running up the stairs for work they finally spilt. IT WAS MORTIFYING!!! They had been threatening to split for a while but I had starved it off with sewing them up each time a tiny hole occurred. After the split I was inconsolable....sobbing to the boy....'I will never find jeans I like again....EVER....'.

It took me a few weeks to get over it but this weekend I decided it was time to find some new jeans. I had heard that Levi's were doing a great new range of curve jeans for people with big legs and butts like myself. When you get into the shop they measure you (not as bad as it sounds) and then hand you your jeans. I was delighted to find that I am still a size 10 in jeans (takes some effort to get them on though) but not so delighted to find that almost all jeans seem to have stretch in them. As my best pal Alice says...'Where is the denim that cowboys wear...I bet that has no stretch in it'. The jeans looked ok and for me that was enough as I never look good in I paid and off I went. Sadly these jeans are NOT OK!! Within a day of wearing they are so stretched that I can take them of without undoing them. I need jeans that are study and hold me in not a pair that stretch and let my curves run about freely jiggling in the wind.

So sadly my search continues...if anyone knows of any non stretch jeans please let me know....I will happily pay for your knowledge...!!

And finally....if you are trying to make from scratch a delicious and naughty desert DO NOT try and make it low will not work. My cheesecake (using my new heart shaped tins) was just a mess on a plate....I had waxed lyrical all day about how amazing a housewife I was only to hand the boy a heap of crap on a plate...he tried his best but I could tell he was wondering how I would manage with kids when I couldn't even get a small cheesecake right...I wonder the same thing too!!

Thursday, 6 October 2011

The Big Move....

Those of you who read this on a regular basis will know that for the past 18 months the boy and I have been living in Shoreditch and I loved it....!!

Seriously...I mean I actually loved in London to me is the same as a really great relationship where you like the same things, like going to the same places and the great sex never goes away.

Sadly due to the fact that I am nearing the end of my twenties and have a big fat wedding to save up for the boy and I decided to return back to our home town of Leigh-on-sea....a fishing town close to Southend-on-sea (for those of you who haven't been think overweight men with their tops off walking around drinking cans of special brew calling everyone is beautiful!!).

Back when I was young Leigh was where the alternative crowd hung out....there were no fake tans, designer bags or small dogs to be seen. So you can imagine my shock on Saturday when after unpacking the boy and I took a stroll around our new home to find that it has been turned into The Only Way is Essex. In fact they have bought a local bar/hotel there and now half the series will be filmed in my home town and half in Brentwood....or wherever it is currently filmed (as you can imagine this information did not go down well).

I will be honest....I had a slight emotional breakdown starting off with me insisting nothing was wrong and culminating in me laying on the floor crying shouting 'I want to move back to London NOW'.

Lucking the boy knows me very well so after a bottle of white wine and about seven chain smoked cigarettes (which I actually gave up around two weeks ago) I became slightly calmer.

I think the shock of it all is that in Essex there is a lot of attitude and people are very hung up on their looks which is the total opposite of me as I walk around in my own little bubble and often look like I am off to a fancy dress party.

The walk to the station in the morning is now a fashion show where girls will look at you strangely if you do not have the regulation pencil skirt, high heels, amazingly perfect hair and make-up and BIG designer handbag.

I am now unsure if I should try and fit in and wear the 'Essex Work Uniform' to work and then change into my normal outfit or just stay as I am and endure the looks from the Essex WAGS.

I will tell you one thing though...there is going to be a lot of white wine drunk in order to get through this!!

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

And I am back....

Firstly I would like to say a big thank you for those who have stayed following throughout the month long silence.

To be honest I hadn't really intended to be away for so long but in the past month I have done the following....

  • Ate food and drank a ridiculous amount at an AMAZING 30th birthday party for my best friend
  • Started wearing high heels again (harder than it seems)
  • Been out almost every night in order to say goodbye to London
  • Moved back to Essex (an emotional story to tell)
  • Attended a fabulously decadent wedding with an Indian twist
  • Started exercising like an animal (this has now calmed down)
  • Experienced the joys of Silent Disco
  • ....and finally attended one of my oldest friends festival themed wedding...
So as you can imagine fitting in work and hangovers around all of this has not given me much time to write.

I will be giving a full update of all of these adventures over the next couple of weeks but just wanted to say hi xx

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

This weekend....

...I did a ridiculous amount of going out....!!

Highlight was a tribute night dedicated to Stevie Wonder in which the boy and I were sat at a shared table for dinner. All was going well until the other couple came and sat opposite us a bit later in the evening. They seemed innocent older couple out on a date...however within five minutes of them sitting down they were eating eachothers faces off....once that stopped the groping neither the boy or I are prudes in any way but the show that was put on for us by this couple was horrific. One by one the other diners started to take note of the couple and our horrified faces and soon enough Stevie Wonder was forgotton and we became part of the main act.

I order to get through this ordeal we drank four bottles of wine, plus vodka and then decided to have a dance off with a number of women we had met throughout the night. The dance off ended with me accusing the boy of flirting with all the forty plus women we were dancing with (please remember I had drunk around two bottles of wine at least so my judgement was somewhat impaired).

I woke up in the morning feeling delicate but happy that I hadn't gone completely over the top and also hadn't had a dirty kebab on the way home. Sadly I was then informed that after we had left the bar I had stumbled into McDonalds demanded a quarter pounder and chicken nuggets (as clearly I felt a burger was not enough) and then passed out in a taxi....beautiful!!

It just goes to show that two bottles of wine, two vodkas and a cocktail will in fact make you slightly crazy.

Oh....and I also bought this coat in a hungover daze.....

Zara - £129

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Today I am feeling....


Last night the boy and I met up with some wonderful friends and had dinner at Necco (Japanese by Exmouth Market)...which was amazing and then I decided to drink almost two bottles of red wine and chat absolute rubbish to anyone that would listen.

What this has taught me though is that I need a wardrobe of work clothes at the ready to throw on to my poor alcohol ridden body instead of searching through the wardrobe...deciding I have nothing to wear, having a small weep, then chucking on yesterdays work clothes praying that no one notices (I work with boys so I doubt anyone will).

When I worked back in the big bad world of banking it was so much easier as I had four boring skirts and a shed load of boring tops (I wasn't one of these glamorous city girls with their short tight outfits and dreams of shagging the boss) which was fine as every day I knew what to wear.

However for the past five years I have been able to wear what I want which has led to some very inappropriate outfits (see through top whilst filling in for CEO's PA), some crazy outfits (silver shiny dress and white cowboy boots) and some hungover outfits (very baggy jeans, a t-shirt and a hat....which I wore all day).

When there is no dress code what to wear to work becomes a ridiculous waste of time in the mornings....and yes I know that if I spent five minutes the night before sorting out an outfit it would be much easier...but clearly I like to spend my evenings drunk.

So it seems the only option is to save up and get a wardrobe of work clothes so that when I do wake up in the morning stinking of gin and trying not to vomit I wont have the added pain of choosing clothes..!!