You see....my problem is that I am curvy....VERY CURVY....I go in and out everywhere...!! I am 5ft 3, have a 34C bust, 26 inch waist and hips that hover around 38 inches. Now....as I learnt this week on Goks Fashion Fix...I have an hourglass shape and this is what most women should aspire to...great....and in fact I am joined in the hourglass club by Kim Kardashian, Kelly Brook and Dita Von Teese.
Now this is bloody amazing...who wouldn't want to be compared to these gorgeous creatures...however all of these women have legs that would make bambi jealous.
When people look at my legs (thighs in particular) the words that will spring to mind are tree trunk and thunder. I am not being self deprecating....they are HUGE...I am almost like a cartoon figure as they are not in proportion at all. Also I doubt any of the women mentioned above have arms that would make the most ardent of bingo players jealous.....yes....as well as rugby players legs I also have bingo wings of joy....which is ironic as I am the most unsporty person ever.
So here I am....on a never ending quest to find clothing that perform the following miracles....cover the legs, cover the arms, nip in at the waist and show a bit of cleavage (my one asset)....
Most days you will find me in outfits like this....
......I LOVE DRESSES.....you can cinch them in at the waist and best thing about vintage dresses is that they almost always fall below the knee..hurrah.
However...as my vintage dresses are very distinctive it means I can't wear them everyday so here are my other options to cover the bad bits and enhance the good bits...
High waisted skirts....I love these little beauties....I often wear a black highwaisted ballet type skirt with stripey breton tops or vest tops and tiny glittery cardies.
The only down side to these is that if you eat too much they can become uncomfortable...but they still look good and what is a bit of pain in the effort to look good..?
I have found that Zara and Mango do a great line in high wasted skirts....This check skirt from Mango looks great with a black vest, tan belt and tan heels
...I wore it to the theatre recently and although it did become uncomfortable after I had glugged about a litre of wine and then ate my body weight in chocolate it still looked great...!!
Another favourite our the hourglass/bad leg crowd is the pencil skirt....as long as it is below the knee.
On a flat stomach day I love rocking a pencil skirt and cowboy shirt combo....however this outfit does prevent from eating a big lunch and if we get burritos in the office it makes me curse the god of pencil skirts for making me wear it.
Now trousers/jeans.....hmmmmm......these are my biggest issue ever....I have spent almost all of my twenties living in the era of Kate Moss and the skinny jean.
Now if I ever manage to wrestle a pair of skinny jeans on my legs resemble uncomfortable sausages....not a good look.
If I wear straight leg jeans they look like skinny jeans and due to the fact I rarely wear heels bootcuts just look funny with my pumps.
So....in order to wear jeans successfully I have to wait until summer and then break out the flared babies...these perform the ultimate miracle...giving me the illusion of slightly slimmer legs....!!
On a skinny day I wear them with a vest top tucked in and a lot of jewellery and on a not so slim day I team them with a floaty top.
My absolute favourite flared jeans are Miss Sixty...they are a great colour, have a bit of stretch and make me look slightly fab...
Now for the best news ever...according to the magazines...CURVES ARE BACK....hurrah. So I will be scouring the high street and vintage shops like a curvy superhero in order to find clothes that both fit and look a treat....I will post my findings on here....stay tuned...